His Way to Her Heart
by kirr1001
Summary: Kagome can't take anymore hurt and pain so she decides that she can't let Inuyasha in her heart anymore.But what will Inuyasha do when he's afraid that he might lose Kagome?


Her head on her pillow, she twiddled the little bottle where the Shikon shards were, empty gaze on her reddish eyes.

Sometimes she just thought that she couldn't take it. Sometimes it would be easier if she could just be Inuyasha's friend, nothing more. Sometimes it would be easier to just let go, give him the shards and never go back. But when those thoughts came to her head, she shook them away immediately; she had made that decision before and she wouldn't change it. After all there where Inuyasha was, was Shippo, Miroku and Sango too and they were her dear friends, she couldn't leave them. And... she loved Inuyasha and wanted to be with him despite the pain that love caused ever so often. And she knew she wasn't the only one who had pains with this situation, she would be selfish if she'd think otherwise.

She wasn't dead like Kikyou, wandering around the earth without a peace. After all, she could be with Inuyasha most of the time, Kikyou only saw him once in a while and their meetings weren't quite long. She and Inuyasha had been deeply in love but then fallen to Naraku's trap. Kikyou had had Inuyasha's heart the way Kagome could never have. And now the only way they could be together was in hell, at least that was the way Kikyou put it. But the most hurt had to be Inuyasha. She could only just imagine what it was to him, after so many years of loneliness, find your true love finally but then be torn apart in the cruelest way. And when it had seemed that he could finally move on, Kikyou had appeared suddenly, making it impossible for him to forget and how could he? When you had touched something so strong and heartbreaking for the first time, you could never forget it.

And then there was her, Kagome. The odd girl from the future who had freed him from his eternal sleep. Kagome knew Inuyasha cared for her, maybe a little more than a friend and felt responsibility over her which probably was why he felt so torn apart inside. He had promised to Kagome protect her but promised to Kikyou too to protect her and go to Hell with her. And Kagome knew how honorable Inuyasha was under his harsh attitude; he always intended to keep his promises. Maybe that was why he couldn't look at her when he had seen Kikyou. He felt like he broke his promise to her. And maybe he was sorry that he couldn't love her enough the way she loved him. Not when there was Kikyou.

At first Kagome had always got mad when he had gone to see his lost love but... At some point she had just realized that she couldn't sulk about it to him. He already felt awful enough and she just made his pain worse.

_But still..._ Kagome thought when few more tears slipped over her hot cheeks and she squeezed her pink blanket.

Still his words hurt.

_"Inuyasha!" Kagome called out. The hanyo's ear movedy on slightly but that was all she got. "C'mon, come down please?"_

_"Leave me alone", he just muttered, his back towards her. I wasn't like she wanted to disturb him... but something had to be wrong when he was like this._

_"If", she began. "If something happened with Kikyou, you can tell me."_

_He stayed silent and Kagome sighed. 'They must have had a fight', she thought and sat on the ground, her back against the tree where Inuyasha was. Then she frowned. 'Strange though. They usually never fight at least by what I can tell. It's us who are always fighting...'_

_Even though this situation was more than uneasy to her, she hoped that Inuyasha would talk to her if he had some worries. She only wanted him to be happy._

_"Tell me what happened", she asked softly. She heard Inuyasha move slightly but didn't come down._

_"Nothing much", he grunted. "I'm just a useless bastard."_

_"No, you're not!" Kagome protested surprised. "Why would you think something like that?"_

_"Just because."_

_"Don't try that. You started talking so why not to tell it till the end?"_

_He was silent again so she waited patiently._

_"Like I said nothing much. Kikyou just said that we shouldn't look for Naraku for a while, that she can deal with him by herself", he said quickly and softly._

_So that was why he was so pissed. Kagome had noticed it when he had came back from the forest, storming away quickly without looking at anyone and jumping into the Goshinboku._

_She was quiet for a moment and thought things through. Though it was a big risk, Kikyou had survived well with Naraku till to this day, right? So she probably knew what she was doing. Kagome didn't know her very well but she did know that she was more than smart. "Maybe she's right", Kagome finally said softly._

_She nearly had a heart attack when Inuyasha jumped down next to her, his burning eyes drilling to her owns. "What?" he hissed through his clenched teeth._

_Kagome quickly sensed the upcoming argue and tried to explain. "I mean, of course it's dangerous but she is closer to Naraku than any of us and maybe she knows the best how his mind works. So maybe we should just trust her and do what she says."_

_"So you think like that", he nodded, anger in his face. "You think that I just have to let her die like before?"_

_"No", she snapped. Why was he suddenly putting words in her mouth? "It wasn't your fault that she died, you both got tricked by Naraku and I'm sure she knows what's too dangerous for herself-"_

_"Goddamn just shut up!" he yelled now and stood up. "You don't know a thing what happened back then, you weren't there! And she isn't strong now like she was back then, she's half dead!"_

_"I know but-" she tried as she stood up too but Inuyasha cut her off immediately._

_"No, you don't! I don't need your advices, worry or help 'cause it doesn't matter a shit! You can't help any of us at all, the only good thing you can do is see shards and that too it's only when you're not home doing those damn 'tests'! I don't want your opinion of what Kikyo should do, in fact I think you'd be very happy if she'd die, then you could have the rest of your soul back though it's not even yours! Now I can't even stand to look at you so fuck off bitch!"_

_And she did. Just as he had shut his mouth, Kagome had turned and ran, ran like she had never before. The broken, heavy sobs felt like they could broke her ribs and stomach and she would lose her balance but she ran._

Kagome closed her eyes at the memory which had happened just few hours ago. _Inuyasha, do you really hate me that much? Am I so big burden to you?_

Probably he hadn't meant everything he had said, he had a bad habit to say anything when he was angry enough. But it hurt so much. Sometimes she just thought that she couldn't take it and this was one of those times. And she couldn't. She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't let him hurt her like this anymore because if he would, just one time more, she would break down because of this pain.

There was at least one difference between her and Inuyasha's relationship and Kikyo and Inuyasha's relationship; he never yelled at her like that. Kagome loved him, more than anything but she knew now that she couldn't let him in her heart. She couldn't nor wanted to deal with this pain and crying. She would still help him and her friends, bravely and doing her best. But nothing more.

With that thought in her head, she finally rose from her bed and went to the bathroom to fix her red face and messy hair. After that she took a lollipop from her table, thinking that she would give it to Shippo and said bye to her family. Her mother had seen how broken she was when she had come back to home but like always, let her be when she wanted it. Because of that she gave a quick peck to her cheek and whispered thank you. Her mother just smiled and told her to be careful.

When she came inside the well house, she sighed once then jumped. The blue light covered her, then as suddenly it came, it was gone and she was back in Inuyasha's time. It had been late afternoon when she had ran home so now the sky was dark, full of stars and it was night. She grabbed the grapevine and started climbing like always when Inuyasha wasn't there to help. He probably was still at the Goshinboku, sulking about Kikyo. Kagome shook her head quickly; she would not be bitter anymore. She sighed when she finally was on the well's margin.

Suddenly as she put her right leg on the ground, something grabbed her ankle tightly.

"Eek!" Kagome cried out and was about to struggle her leg free from grasp but then she saw that it was Inuyasha who was holding it. "What are you doing?" she flared. "I almost had a heart attack!"

"Keh", he murmured, not looking at her. He was sitting on the ground, his back against the well. How long had he been sitting there? Had the others heard their fight and made him come to wait for her? It wouldn't be a surprise. "Kagome", he said softly. "Listen... I..."

"No, let me", she sighed, raising her hand to stop him. Finally he raised his head and looked at her, his eyes puzzled. He let go of her ankle. "I'm sorry", she began. "You were right. I don't know anything about you and Kikyou's past and it's really not my business. So I'm sorry."

"No, Kagome-" he tried to say and stood up, almost tried to reach for her, but Kagome backed away.

"No, Inuyasha. Don't say anything."

_Don't make your way to my heart again. _

"It's okay", she offered him a weak smile then started to walk towards the village. But Inuyasha quickly came in front of her, blocking her way.

"Kagome... You don't understand... I... I'm sorry..."

She sighed again and looked him in the eyes. There was something, fear maybe? Did he thought that she would leave for good? "Apology accepted", she nodded. "Now can we just go back to the others-"

"Stop it", he said darkly. "Why can't you listen?"

"What is there to listen?" she asked. "You said what you had to and I'm fine with it so let's forget it."

"You're mad", he frowned.

_He makes it sound like I don't have a right to be! _"Well maybe I am, surely you'd be too but I'll get over it, I always do! You don't have to worry about that!" she was now getting angry which wasn't part of her plan. She waited for him to yell back but he didn't, just stared at the ground. It was pretty odd; when they fought she felt like she was near him but when there was this completely silence, he felt more distant than ever.

_He was never meant for me_, she thought sadly. Slowly she raised her hand and touched his shoulder slightly, friendly. "It's okay now", she whispered and smiled. "I think we have yelled enough, right? So let's just go back."

The hanyou looked at her, her fake smiled which didn't reach to her eyes. It made him so desperate and mad.

"Wipe off that damn face!" he yelled suddenly, grabbed her arms and shook. "Stop it!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I hate it when you hide your true feelings! Yell at me, cry, say you hate me, I don't know, anything but this!" there was a raw emotion in his voice what she couldn't quite understand. She just stared at him, confused when he shook her little more, his claws almost digging in her skin. "Say something, wench! Say you hate me!" he roared so loud that probably everyone in the village heard.

"No!" she yelled back, almost afraid when she didn't understand why he acted so crazy. "I don't hate you!", she cried out and let her tears finally fall. She leaned her head against his shoulder in anguish and sobbed heavily.

He didn't hug her, just continued to grasp her shoulders and stood there like a statue. "You should hate me", he whispered softly and she felt him nuzzle her hair with his nose.

"Why?" she whispered between her sobs. "Because you love Kikyo? Because I'm just a burden and now I know it because you yelled it at me? Because you hate me? You can't help what you feel, Inuyasha."

She heard and felt him breathe deeply, then he pulled her away from him, his face angry and eyes intense, looking at her. "Now you fucking listen me! I didn't mean a word what I said earlier and I regret that I even opened my mouth then! I know I'm such an ass to you all the time and you should run away from me as far as you could go but you said that I can't help what I feel! Well I goddammit to the hell love you, okay? But of course you are so damn blind that you can't see it until I yell it to your face! Open your eyes and see that I'd do anything for you even though I yell and curse to you always! Just one look of yours drives me fucking crazy just like now! Can't you see? Can't you feel it, idiot?" quickly he took shocked Kagome's hand and placed it over his heart. She felt it like it could be inside of her hand; it beated like it would burst in any minute. She stared at his hand which held hers, her eyes wide then slowly raised her head to look at him when she realized that he wasn't talking anymore. Or yelling actually.

Inuyasha's face was red and his breathing hard like he would had ran a mile. Tears fell again when it hit Kagome; he was there again. In her heart. Exactly where he belonged.

"Inuyasha..." Kagome reached to touch his face but he caught her hands and looked away.

Kagome was confused again until she heard him speak softly, "Kikyo mentioned you today. That too was one thing why I was so pissed off. She could see right through me, she could see my feelings for you and then she started to talk about Naraku."

He lifted his gaze at her. "I felt like she was slipping through my fingers when she said those words and today when you went on her side... I just got scared that I'd lost you too."

Kagome blinked, her eyes sympathetic.

"I know it doesn't make sense but I never do, right?" he let go of her arms and scratched his head somehow awkwardly, gazing at her from the corner of his eye.

Kagome felt like she could die from the shock and joy. _He... he loves me? _

"Inuyasha", she whispered and touched his cheeks, making him look at her fully. "I..."

When she couldn't find the words, she just shook her head slightly and captured his lips gently with her owns. Inuyasha answered immediately, touched her shoulders, back, hair... He really didn't know where to put his hands. They opened their mouths, their breathing mixing and soft sighs were heard. A real kiss. The lollipop which amazingly had stayed in her hand this whole time, finally dropped to the ground. Inuyasha wrapped his arms tightly around her body, his red sleeves covering her as they slid to ground. They knelt together, trying to deepen the kiss and get as closer as possible. "Inuyasha", Kagome gasped when his lips moved to her cheek and he hugged her tightly.

"Kagome", his lips spoke close to her ear. "I'm so sorry. 'Bout everything."

"Me too", she hugged him back. "Let's forget it."

"I... I can't leave her alone, Kagome", he whispered and she could hear the fear in his voice. "I mean you... You are... I want you... I want to be with you, but..."

"I know", she closed her eyes. "Let's... Let's forget that too, just for a while."

He nodded, held her little more.

"I love you too", she smiled and she heard him just whimper softly for an answer and nuzzle her neck.

"When we have to go?" Kagome asked after they had sat on the ground for a while now.

"At tomorrow morning we'll go find more shards", he murmured.

"So let's be like this until the sun rises, okay?", she asked hopefully against his chin.

Inuyasha smiled and chuckled lovingly. "Until the sun rises", he said too and kissed her temple.

* * *

AN:

Thanks for reading the result of my angst inspiration. Comments are welcomed like always!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha


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